Friday, August 20, 2010

How do I deal with my boyfriend who is overprotective, controlling and possessive?

I have a boyfriend who is just too overprotective and controlling. I鈥檝e been with him for about 2 years now. As time went on, he really became more and more protective of me. I don鈥檛 mind if he鈥檚 concerned and stuff, but right now he鈥檚 just gone crazy! It started ever since I went to meet up with one of my long-time friends (who is a guy) who I hadn鈥檛 seen in years. I hugged him cos I hadn鈥檛 seen him in ages and my boyfriend was there, and ever since he鈥檚 been jealous and wants to know every detail on what I鈥檓 doing, where I鈥檓 going and things like that. For example, he has to know where I go all the time, what time I鈥檓 leaving, what time I鈥檓 getting back, who I鈥檓 going with, what I鈥檓 gonna do. It gets frustrating. He wants to be around me all the time. If he can鈥檛 be around me, he鈥檚 always calling me and texting me. He even tells me what clothes to wear. And he absolutely hates it when I talk to other guys. Also he鈥檚 always flipping through my phone to see who I called and texted and who called and texted me. I鈥檝e never cheated on him at all, and I guess perhaos hugging my friend was a mistake. I have tried talking to him once before, telling him how I felt and it got matters worse. He yelled at me, and he even grabbed me really tightly on the arm. And he became even more protective and controlling. I don鈥檛 know what to do. I鈥檓 scared in both ways with leaving him and staying with him. If I leave he might stalk me and stuff, if I stay it may lead into an abusive relationship. WHAT SHOULD I DO?How do I deal with my boyfriend who is overprotective, controlling and possessive?
OKay well first off.. it wasn't wrong for you to hug your friend. Your boyfriend needs to back off from being so controlling and its up to you to give him an ultimatum.





The thing is.. the way your boyfriend is heading is making things very dangerous for you. He may become abusive based on the signs he is showing.





You should be able to wear what you want. It is ridiculous he feels like he needs to dress you. WHen you say you are going out iwth your friends, sure giving him a rough idea isn't bad but you shouldn't have to report back to him.





You need to tell him that if he doesn't back off then you will leave him. And stand your ground. You need think about your happiness and your safety right now.





Also, you CANNOT have a healthy relationship without trust. And he is showing zero trust in you right now. And he either needs to trust you or you need to leave him. IF you've been with him for 2 years and he still feels like you can't be trusted then you two have no business being together. Really.





So stand your ground. And maybe you should have a friend with you.. just incase he gets violent when you tell him this. And if he can't handle it, then move on.





Good luckHow do I deal with my boyfriend who is overprotective, controlling and possessive?
You don't deal with him, you dump him like a bad habit. How would you like to be married to that jerk and have to put up with that the rest of your life? Are you a glutton for punishment or what? You can't be the brightest bulb on the tree to put up with that BS. Are you your own person or do you need a keeper? Get Real will ya.
Yeesh you're in a tight spot, and your boyfriend is having some serious possesion issues. The holding of your arm thing; thats just out of line. The texting thing; is something a paranoid mom would do to her 9-year-old daughter. So, i'm afraid for you because if you confront him about it the wrong way, then he could hurt you. But as you said, if you leave him, he might become stalkerish. I would suggest waiting until you and him are in your happyest, lightest setting and ask him why is he being so clingy? And try to clear it up as lovey-dovey as possible. If not, escape to a family member's house (preferably your father's house, or somewhere where there is a male to protect you) and cut him off. Just be on your toes.
he obviously does not trust you, tell him how you feel about that. say you dont need another father, and to stop worrying. if he cant understand, dump him.

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