Friday, August 20, 2010

How do i deal with my boyfriend's past relationship?

i have been seeing this guy for 18 months, i am in love with him and care about him deeply. i believe he loves me too, however, i am struggling with the fact that his first relationship was with his brother's wife. his brother ended up divorcing this woman and my bf had a lengthy relationship and 2 children with her, even though she continued to run around and cheat on him. he even had a paternity test done on the 2nd child to see if it was his. we get along well, like doing the same things and there are alot of positives to our relationship. However, he sometimes makes comments about our relationship and incinuates that because of something he thinks i did before we were a couple, he won't be able to commit in the long run. then i think, wow, look what they did and i have a hard time with it.How do i deal with my boyfriend's past relationship?
you shouldn't use his past relationship as a comparison to see if your relationship with him is going to work. you should use your feelings, and intuition, clear thinking and sound judgement, and decide what your standards are. then decide if its worth it. if he's hinting that he doesn't want a long term relationship then don't waste your time. he's got so much baggage already, why would you want to deal with that?How do i deal with my boyfriend's past relationship?
sounds as though he didnt cheat on her even though she cheated on him so he shouldnt have problems with comittment. It was wrong to go after his brothers wife though


since your having a hard time with it the only thing for you to do is talk it out with him
Sounds like he simply doesn't want a long-term relationship with you, and he's letting you know that by making these comments - just so you don't get too comfortable, or get your hopes up. When he leaves, he'll be able to say - well, I told you before I wasn't interested in committing to you in the long run. Both of you have either come to terms with each other's pasts - or treat this relationship like a relationship of convenience. Sounds like this is all it is to him. Beware.
Those who look down on others from a moral high horse often are a bit wobbly themselves - no, I take that back - they are always on shaky moral ground themselves. They'll always think they are entitled to make such decisions. Keep that in mind if you think you'll be together in the long run. When he implies something about your past behavior, call him on it. If he has an issue with it, he needs to come out and say it and cut out his little jabs.





My old bf was like that and we argued about it all the time because I was determined he wasn't going to make me feel bad about myself and I knew he had done a whole lotta tomcatting himself. My new bf readily admits the stupid things he's done and it's so refreshing to be with someone who doesn't claim to be perfect and doesn't hold it against me that I'm not.
Dump him, he's not mature enough to be a real man.
Girl! you know that's too much drama, what are you thinking?


this thing has a toxic flare that illuminates contention, however, Its your life, but you can do better
U r should not have to deal with any thing that has to do with his past relationship.





First that is in his PAST not in Ur's.


He is the one that has to do something about it. That is like he is on drugs, but u r going to Drug rehab for him. Come on how old is he. He need to stop blaming others for his problems.





If u see he is not doing any thing Y do u still want to b with him. U need to look at Ur self and Ur life. What is it that u want in Life in Love??????


How much do u value Ur self?????


Answer is questions. U'll see how much u are really worth.


Good Luck.
Women ruin Men for other women. It sounds like this man has been burned by his ex- big time, and is now going to do everything it takes to avoid the same pit falls as in his last relationship. If you are patient, you should do your best to behave in ways to demonstrate to him that you are not the same woman as his ex. Be subtle, but let him make the realization.





P.S. where did you find these people? Smokin' cigs outside of 7-11?
Just based on the commentw he makes about not being able to commit in the long run I would say proceed with caution. He may know that he's never going to commit to you in the long run and is just saying stuff like that to make excuses for it.
Your boyfriend has to deal with his past relationship before he can commit to a new relationship. You can't do anything about that. If he is focusing on your past and using it as an excuse to not commit, then he obviuosly isn't dealing with his past so he can move forward. Always easier to focus on another's ';flaws'; then are own. We can be totally blind to our own, actually. It's called denial.





Let him go. He's not ready for a relationship and has no business being in one. I know, easy to say, hard to do. Just don't kid yourself that you can ';fix'; him. You can't.





Good luck.

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