Friday, August 20, 2010

How do I deal with my boyfriend {who is going to be a marine} being gone at bootcamp for 15 weeks?

We have been together for almost three months he is 17 and I am 16 I am in the 10th grade and he wants to get married before he leaves for bootcamp {because there is an 85% chance I will cheat on him or leave him he says} naw he might leave this coming June and he will be 18 and I will still be 16... I love him and want to marry him but not just because he thinks I am going to leave him... I want him to trust me because i do love him more then anything he is my bestfriend... but the next deployment for new reqts. to Iraq is next September right after he graduates and he would more then likely be shipped over to Iraq... What if something happens?? Would have I made the right descion not to marry him?? I need help... I need answers... I love him more then life itself and I can't go 4 months without him and then him come back for 10 days and then gone for 2 years in Iraq... and even if he wouldn't go to Iraq he would still go to California for schooling... I can't live without him -AmandaHow do I deal with my boyfriend {who is going to be a marine} being gone at bootcamp for 15 weeks?
NEVER marry an man who wants to marry you because he feels he can't trust you.


NEVER marry a man who doesn't trust you.


NEVER marry a marine before basic. Marine basic training changes a person.


p.s. you can't get married with out parent consent if your under the age of 18- your still a minor.How do I deal with my boyfriend {who is going to be a marine} being gone at bootcamp for 15 weeks?
Get over it. You do not need to get married. If he is already worrying about you leaving him then that will just mess with his head while he is deployed. My husband is an Army officer and during deployment the biggest problem his troops had was worrying about what the wives/girlfriends were doing. This was far more prevelant with young soldiers and is not good for the unit as a whole.





Don't get married. Go to college.
Amanda, I have to start answering to your question telling you that you are away too Young to get married.


But, this is Your life!


Well once you are serious about this love, and it looks like it on your question. Go for it!! You are so sure about it, he is the love your life, but be prepared for everything, you know, he IS going to Iraq, and it's pretty dangerous you have to be brave and supportive, cos he will need you more than anything else!


I do not agree with this stupid war, but I support the troops, and those brave man such as your soon to be husband!!


Tell him he already has a proud fan!!


Go for it girl, but know that marriage is a big deal, and it is an important decision, think carefully, but go for it.


Peace.
If he doesn't trust you now, what makes him think he'll be able to trust you when he gets deployed? I used to live on a military base and husbands (and wives) leave for days, weeks, months, or years at a time.





Hasn't he ever heard of married people cheating??? Putting a ring on your finger won't keep you outta some other guy's bed!





If your life is so dependent on him, maybe you two should get some counseling. He sounds like he needs to control you and you sound just a little co-dependent for my taste.
I don't think you are ready for marriage if he has given you a percentage chance you will cheat. Marriage takes a lot of work, and military life is even worse. In a year your relationship will change a lot. Why not just date him, and see how things go? You are too young to leave the family and be married, but he will be stationed elsewhere when he isn't in Iraq and it is a very lonely military life. Why don't you join a military wife message board and get their thoughts on being married to the military. I promise it changes much more than you think. Your boyfried will be a totally different person after boot camp. That's what the army does. Break you down as an individual to build you up as a team. Trust me, his mentality will change, and it has to if he will survive in Iraq.
Well first off, i almost did that so...don't rush into anything. If you truly want to be with him then just say you are engaged and stick with that until you are ready. If you really have to marry him, do it after boot camp, cause then you will have been without him for long enough to know what it really is that you want....Take some time. If he is still afraid of you leaving him, have one of his friends watch you or have his mom watch you. he needs to trust a little more....I mean there are lots of women around the bases that want to get with the men. After he finds out if he is shipping to Iraq then you can plan. If he is just going for schooling or being stationed somewhere else in the US then move with him. Finish school first then move to base. This is all I really have to offer. If you want to talk more then email me.
Are u crazy? You are only 16 and only been with this boy for 3 months, rethink everything u have ur entire life ahead of u and yes u can live without him u have only known him for 3 months how did u ever survive 16 years without him....Good Luck!
Sigh. You're 16, you've ony known him for three months---you cannot be thinking clearly or rationally about any of this, otherwise you wouldn't even post this question. I know it's romantic to invision yourself as the little housewife, but you've got school to finish, and he is going off to start a career in the military and possibly die for our country. Can you see how opposite this all is?





You feel you can't live without a boy at 16? My goodness, where are your friends and all your interests? Why aren't you out having a great time like any other 16 year old? Why are you all in such a rush to get into adult type relationships when you're not equipped?





Bottom line: You do not know this person well enough and are not developed enough yourself to be making any life altering decisions. People who are about to get married (GROWN PEOPLE) do not do so because they fear the other person will cheat if given other options. The entire situation is really immature. Wise up!
I'm 85% sure you are rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons. Let the situation run it's course. If it's meant to be you'll make it work.
Im in sort of the same position but im graduating college with my gf of over 5 years. As young as you are dont do it, its jst not worth it yet. Yea you may cheat or leave him but it doesnt matter if your married or just dating. When you get married it doesnt automatically make you not cheat. For some people its hard to leave on deployments and leave family behind. for him it sounds like he will be to worried about what you are doing then his job if he gets deployed. If it was me Id tell him you want to wait til at LEAST until you graduate high school
Your not going to listen to anyone on here. The only answers you will pay any attention to are the ones that justify your silly actions.





Everything about this is a BAD IDEA.





But because it's obvious you wont listen...


Please get your tubes tied before you have any children with this BOY.





Go screw up your own life! But DO NOT bring an innocent child into your maddening world, and bring them up with your same ignorance to life.
Ask him which one he would prefer, an 85% chance you'll cheat on him or move on, or an 85% chance that after you're married you'll cheat on him anyway, or an 85% chance that you'll be divorced before his active duty is over.
You do not need to rush into marriage. What is supposed to be will be and if you are meant to be together, things will work out so you can be when the time is right. Please do not get married when you are both so young because you are scared something may happen to him. Things happen to people all the time, both her and overseas. There is no need to rush into something that I doubt both of you are ready for. Write letters, talk often and see eachother as much as you can when you can, if it's supposed to work out, it will.





PS-If he is scared you will cheat on him, people do that married or not, I don't really see why a peice of paper would change that. He needs to trust you more.
For one, you're waayyyy to young to get married or even know if you want to get married. It's called LUST, not love. You need years before you can truly love someone enough to get married, though there are acceptions...but at your age, it's not appropriate.





Two, boot camp (basic) is only 13 weeks and he gets two weeks leave after that to go home. And then he as SOI or some other training before they will deploy anyone.





Third, Marines don't go to Iraq for 2 years at a time. (Some may but its RARE) They deploy for 7-8 months depending. I know b/c my brother and ex boyfriend were in the Marines and went to Iraq THREE times, each for 8 months at the WORST of the war.





I think you need to let him join the Marines and you need to support him with letters and cards when he's in basic. Lay off on the marriage thing, it will happen when/if the time is ever right for you two. Getting married doesn't mean anything changes, you still can't be with him for quite some time. It's not til after a lot of their training is done that anyone can get base housing if they're married.
At 16 years old, you shouldn't have to contemplate getting married yet--you are young and have yet to experience and enjoy life.





My husband is a Marine. We've been together for 8 years now and he joined 2 years into our relationship. It's tough--boot camp, deployments, training, etc...but keep in mind that he's this person you know and love now, but after boot camp he can be someone completely different--that whole experience changes people...sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.





You should not let him pressure you into doing something you obviously don't really want to do by throwing statistics at you--that's a scare tactic and is not fair to you and disrespectful to your character. Let the relationship run its course. You have plenty of time and if it's meant to be, it'll work out. What you can do as a gf is support him and stick by him, but that doesn't mean you have to marry him at this moment.
I'm sorry to hear you're in this difficult position.





I am concerned, however, that your boyfriend is giving you statistics on how likely you will cheat on him. He's not being fair to you. He does not trust you, or, perhaps, he does not trust himself to be faithful to you. You cannot make someone trust you, you can only be the best person you can be and know you are faithful to him. If he doesn't believe you, that is a huge issue in any relationship.





I know that you love him, but I don't think marriage is the best idea for you. You are only 16 and have so much more in life to experience. If he is going into the military, you will have to be away from each other for long periods of time anyway... even if he is not deployed. His duties might take him out of state for weeks or months, or any other issue might come up where you can't be with him.





No one can say if anything will ';happen'; to him in Iraq, but I pray if he is deployed it does not. People do change after situations like that. Are you ready to deal with those types of issues too?





Stick to your guns and wait to get married. Good luck.
Take your time...If you love each other and it's meant to be things will work themselves out. I know what it feels like to have someone you love leave for a long time (my BF is in the army and just got back from Afghanistan). But I have seen this over and over again...people in the military get married very young, too young. At 16 you are not even close to the person you will be...you are still trying to figure out who you are and so is he. If he is worried that you will cheat on him just because he'll be gone for 14 weeks...what does he think will happen when he is deployed 15 or 18 months? He clearly has trust issues and he needs to take a good look at what he really wants. If you get married when you are 25 (and live to be 80) you will still be married for 55 years.


You said that '; you love him more then life itself and can't go 4 months without him and then him come back for 10 days and then gone for 2 years in Iraq.';


Getting married won't make this situtation go away. He will still be leaving you for bootcamp and possibly overseas.


My advice: Just support him...write him often at bootcamp...and take your time.

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