Friday, August 20, 2010

Any self help books on how to cope with cheating, being the cheatER?

I cheated on my boyfriend about 7 months ago and now we're talking and everything is exactly the same as it was before, only thing is we're not officially together.

I have a feeling he's just using me now. So any good books on how to deal? All books I found were only self help on being cheated on. What about the cheatER?

And please no rude comments, because I know what I did was wrong and it pains me to even think about it.Any self help books on how to cope with cheating, being the cheatER?
Finding self help books on being the cheater would be akin to finding self help books geared towards the rapist. I'm not saying that cheating is any where near raping, but it's not considered to be the emotionally damaged side of the coin.

Obviously that's a false statement since you're hurting right now.

Both people take hits to their ability to trust each other once the relationship hits this area. One of the best, and toughest things you can do is to talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. That's the only way you're going to get any straight answers about what he's thinking, and to let him know what you're thinking. Depending on how it goes it could strengthen your relationship because it tells him that you're affected by what happens and that you're sorry for it.

How can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating or going to cheat? How do you stop him?

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months and there's really no reason for me to not trust him. But recently he's reconnected with an old crush. His facebook inbox popped up one day and I saw they had been writing back and forth. I don't know if he didn't tell me because he doesn't see it as a big deal or if she's unfinished business. I'm also wary because I grabbed for his phone this morning to turn off his alarm and for the first time he was like ';hey, what are you doing?'; I don't know if I am being overly paranoid... Advice?How can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating or going to cheat? How do you stop him?
he's acting dodgy. that's the first sign. you can't stop him from cheating. that's the sad part. either way, he's gonna cheat or he won't..but steer clear of accusing him if you have no hard evidence to back up your'll only drive him away from you.How can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating or going to cheat? How do you stop him?
I'm kinda having the same problem...Deep down I have a feeling that he's cheating on me...I found out that he met some new female friends on facebook and he never told me about it...He stopped sending %26lt;3's to me and he started an argument about we should break up because we don't have much things in common...I mean that's really ridiculous...i asked a lot of my friends and they said it doesn't matter if each other have things in common. But we worked it out...And in the past few days, I even found pads in his car..but he told me it was his friend's sister's but I really don't know. I guess I'm gonna trust him for now, I'm gonna talk to him more, asking him questions and make it sound like I'm really interested in his life and stuff, and then I'll try to catch his lies. Don't accuse him of cheating yet, wait until you have the proofs, because it might just be a misunderstanding. And if he is a cheater, he is a cheater. You cant stop him from cheating, only he can control it. If he is really cheating on you, he doesn't deserve you, and you guys weren't meant to be together. I hope it's just a misunderstanding between you guys and hope things work out for you. :]

And here's a website that may help a lot :
i had the same issue before and honestly the best thing to do is to talk to him abou tit and see where he is coming from also to express how you feel, because if you don't you will do what i did and that is get frusterated and that doesn't help at all.

best of luck.
Fail prrof way but takes atleast 1 week. Sit him down,confront him with your suspicions ask anywere from 10-20 questions. remember his answers, wait atleast 1 week then ask him the same questions again and see if you get the same answers as the last time. kudo's to you hun hope i helped
i would def be weary of it. but you have to tread on thin ice with this, because he could accuse you of snooping through his inbox on facebook. it does sound like it might be a issue but than it could be just innocent chat.

sit him down and chat with him on it and watch for signs of him lying of being uncomfy in the situation. good luck
I have a friend with the same problem and it's been going on for a while and is starting to really irritate and upset her so my advice would be to talk about it asap. Not in an accusing way. But just say that you noticed he'd been chatting with her again and was everything ok. Just let him know how you feel about the fact that he hadn't mentioned it. I would avoid being accusing, emotional, clingy or possessive but just make sure he knows that chatting with an ex is sort of relevant to the two of you and it would be good if he could let you know stuff like that.

That's what I'd do anyway. Good luck!
You can fallow him without him knowing and you can not stop him but you can walk away from him and make him sad and miss you for being a cheat. but stopping him is not the answer if you catch him dump him
If Deep down you feel like something is different and not right...then most likely its not. The thing can't stop a man from cheating. And why would you want to? If he wants to cheat then you need to dump him and find someone who will treat you better. I've been through all this BS a lot! The bad thing is if you start accusing and poking around before something actually happens then he will make you out like you are a B*tch. Don't let him know you saw his inbox. Back off and see what happens. If you are being paranoid then eventually the feeling will pass if nothing happens.
Keep your eyes open, but let him cheat if he's going to cheat and count your lucky stars that you should find out sooner rather than later. A cheater is a cheater. He will cheat no matter what. I have actually never been cheated on- but this isn't luck. You have to realize you can't stop him- only delay the inevitable. If he is a cheater- if it is not this girl- it will be some other girl - some other time. It doesn't sound great, but if I were in your position I would just ignore it and start if find other people to occupy my time and interests. I would start to disconnect myself from him a little bit. This should let him know that you don't like the behavior your seeing. You could always just flat out tell him that you don't like what you see- that it makes you want to pick up and leave (I've done that before and nothing is more rewarding that just flat out letting them know where you stand). The always spikes their attention, but like I said- if he is a cheater- better now than later. Make sure he understands that you're the ';main dish'; not a ';side dish'; =)

Good luck.
Sign one was right in front of you, you grabbed for the phone and he took a different attitude with you. and that is how you can tell. Men only get offensive whe nthey are hiding something. And you will see the signs. Don't think you are paranoid, and even if you confront him, and he tells you , you are crazy! go with your gut feeling. I do have a lot of male Ex boyfriends that I am still friends with and talk to from time to time, but not on a reg basis.. and completely honest to tell someone if in a relationship that such and such called to talk about this or that, by hiding it from your partner is only a sign of guilt. if you think it's more then just facebook, you'll notice it in the way the two of you are intimate, different behavior, how often, or if he is on the fense all the time. Only time will show you the signs, but if that gut feeling keeps getting stronger and stronger, and you catch him in lies.. I suggest you pull out of the relationship while you still have your dignity, and walk away telling him, I'm not stupid, when you know what you want, try seeing me, and if I'm still single, we can talk. Let him recall his own mistakes in the relationship and know where he went wrong, even if he wasn't cheating.. not telling you, he is only losing the trust you gave him, he'd have to earn that back, it's not given freely anymore, let him prove it to you. best of luck. Dana
Well it is really hard to say what is going on. It could really be nothing. And if they are say texting each other (because he didn't want you grabbing his phone) it could just be that he didn't want you to see it because he doesn't know how you will react. But then again you have to wonder why he is not telling you in the first place. Like you said it could be because he doesn't see it as a big deal or it could be unfinished business. Unfortunately you may just have to ask him what is up. If he is going to cheat you wont be able to stop him. The only person that will be able to control that is himself. And unfortunately it may not end the way you want it to. You will just have to prepare for the different out comes. He may not even tell the truth if you just ask him. You can either wait it out. Keep looking at the facebook page. Though he may be saying the things that he ';shouldn't be saying'; on his phone and that is why he didn't want you looking at it. So you can either start looking into his things to see if he does or you can ask him about it. Talking about it may be a better thing because then it will show that you trust him. It is a tough situation and you can do either thing. Sit and wait or ask. It is totally up to you but just remember that no matter what you cant control his actions. Only he can. I hope things work out for you. Good Luck.

How do you deal with someone cheating on you?

I am pregnant. My boyfriend and I started having problems after we got pregnant so i left for a month to be stress free. I finally came back. When i got there his phone was there so i looked at it,which i never do, and found he had been texting a girl. I called her and she told me that they have been dating for 2 years, that how long we've been together. She also told me that they have a sexual relationship and that she has been to our house. He told me that the girl was lying and that she was crazy. I talk to the girl again and she told me he called her to tell her that i was crazy. I asked her did she not see the crib and all other girl stuff there that would make her see that he was not single. She said she asked but said that his uncle and his wife would leave stuff there. We are having a baby togther and i am so hurt. How would you deal with this?How do you deal with someone cheating on you?
1. find out every little detail

2. If he claims the girl is lying and she claim he is lying let the three of you all meet and watch the reaction of both of them

3. Move out of that environment for awhile it is not healthy for you or the baby until every thing is resolved

The same thing happened to me and i did not believe my boyfriend but when push came to shove the girl was lying she like my boyfriend for a very long time and did not approve of our relationship she even went to talk about that he was by her last night and he went home midnight and that is when i caught her luckily that night my boyfriend and i had spent the whole day by my mom and he never left my side that whole entire day. So before making any grave decisions check out the situation thoroughly

GOOD LUCK AND BE STRONG :)How do you deal with someone cheating on you?
Unfortunately once a man has shown his true colors, there is not much chance that he will change. There are exceptions of course, but unless he is willing to have some heavy duty counseling, I doubt anything will change

Unless you want to stay in a relationship where he is cheating on you, I would leave him.
Kick him to the curb and when the baby is born take his sorry a** to court and get an order for child support.
first off im very sorry this has happened to you.This dude is a low dont need that drama right now.As much as you love him you have to love yourself and your child more.there are studies that show that stress on the mother can affect the baby for years to come.leave on the next thing smoking.
Screw him. You should love yourself. Who said girls need a man to survive and be successful? Get your babe, be the only one for it, love it, and go out and have fun.
Dump him; make sure you get some child support.
Please leave this bastard.
Give him a real simple choice. He can either have her or you.

If he chooses you, then no problem. If he chooses her, then sweetly smile and tell the prick that your lawyer will in contact with his because your suing him for paternity and child support for the next eighteen years !! If he is going to play, Then he shall pay,pay pay !! Hope this has helped you..
#1, if the other girl spoke the truth about being with him for 2 years, she would KNOW, when she stepped foot into his house that he was with someone else. She could be a meddling no-good home wrecker. On the other hand, he's not being open and honest with you about her. I think that you have to take about 50% of what she says as truth. The other 50% is either flat out lies or exagerations.

Regardless, you shouldn't be dealing with ANY of these stresses and you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Get out, take time for yourself and put HIM on the back burner.
If you enjoy being cheated on stay with the guy. Cheaters cheat. This guy is showing you what value he places on your feelings and providing a healthy environment for his own child.....compared to the value he places on getting off with some other woman, none.

Quit dating boys and go find yourself a man.
I know that this probably wont help you but i would break up with him and find a good guy that would not cheat on me and is good with kids and doesnt mind that this beutiful baby girl isnt his. But will accept it and treat it like its his own child!
There's no black and white answer for your question, I wish there was. I can give you this advice. Your main concern is your baby and yourself. Your boyfriend proved to you that he is not reliable at all and I always think that if they cheat once they will probably cheat again. You are stronger than you think. The most important thing is to ask friends and family for help. You are not in this alone and you have to keep that in mind. I am confident you can get through this!!! And as for your boyfriend, just don't expect too much because that way you won't het disappointed again. I wish you all the best!
Is he serious about your relationship? may be he did not expect that things may reach to this level. I suggest you sit together as two lovers and dicuss it politly and calmly. I want you not to think about the future or your destiny. it is because future is you and destiny is your depicted road, no one can play with. If he likes to join your journey, he is welcomed otherwise, you are incharge. choose your way then
Cut his balls off and leave him.
dump him and move on... :D
Gosh my heart went out to you when I read this!! I am sorry you are having to contend with something like this, especially being pregnant!! Unfortunately, the guy sounds like he is pulling lies out of his pocket..left and right. You know us females, why would we lie? I hate to tell you this but yes..I would leave him!! You don't need that and you don't need him! You started having problems anyway..which could very well of been due to you being pregnant and him having another girl on the side. As wrong as it sounds, its too bad you and the other woman couldn't gang up on him...sorry! (Carrie Underwood in me) I hope things work out...and good luck!! Message me if you need someone to talk!
  • phone
  • big hair
  • So this is more like advice for everyone!?

    ok so i see alot of the same questions asked on here and i was thinking about different things in my life and came up with some stuff that i think i knew along but im just now starting to take my own advice..

    1. if you are an honest person and you like to tell people exactly how you feel,well that's not always good,i mean it is wonderful to be honest but sometimes you have to watch how honest you are..when telling someone something that might upset them be as nice as possible about it instead of just straight out saying it because they might drift away from you because they think your a mean person.

    2.if your dealing with a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend who you wont leave because you love him/ need to sit down and think about what it is you really love about him/ might come to relize you dont know simply because you think you love him/ might think of how he/she used to be but you cant rely on the past to keep your relationship going..he/she has changed and he/she gonna stay how he/she is now and theres nothing you can do about it but accept it and move on.

    3.if your in a fight with a friend..sit and think what the both of you are actually mad about and if it's something little and stupid laugh about it and talk to him/her. if it's something more serious then that then really sit and think about if you want to loose this person and what kind of person they are and are they gonna make you happy when around the fight really worth loosing a friend over!?

    4. drifting away from a friend can be really hard but you've obviously both changing and you need to be honest with your friend no matter what..they might be hurt but they will respect you more for telling them the truth and not faking it..but make sure you nice when talking to him/her.

    5.this is for shy and insecure people. for many ppl this is just a phase and for some they might always be shy and some people may even rely on drinking to loosen up but that's not always a good idea..your a different person when your drunk and the impression you leave may not be a good one. this may not help but when trying to talk to someone pretend they were one of your closest friends and you might see things in a different way.

    5.everyone deserves a second chance,well i somewhat agree with that..but if someone did something you know would be unforgivable and you think they would do it again then i honestly dont think they deserve a second chance..i give second chances but after that it's done because i know nothing will ex best friend slept with my boyfriend and found out she was prego and it might have been his but she end up having a miscarriage..i eventually forgave the both of them and now me and my boyfriend are closer then and my ex best friend are still friends but we're not as close as we use to be. it took alot for me to forgive them but i believed they deserved a second chance and i let the both of them know that if they did anything elese to betray me that it would all be done. sometimes you just got to be the better person.

    6.if your having family issues of any kind you need to get away and take a long walk before saying anything mean because you might regret never know what could happen these days..they could be gone just like that so just think before you speak and think if you were about to say something mean that that was your last word you said to wouldnt want that to'd feel awful. i use to call my family every name in the book when they would make me mad but i started to think of that kind of stuff due to family losses and now i've calmed down alot.

    family will always bother you and piss you off most of the time but no matter what happens they care and love you and just want the best for you.

    7.if your a victim of bullying then you need to talk to people..dont listen to what the bullies got to say becuase if you talk to people about it they wont bother you if something is may be scared to defend yourself because of what they might do but then again they might respect you more for actually standing up to them..your a person and so is the other person and they need to relize how they would feel if it was the other way around.

    this is also to girls with guys who abuse them...i dont care how much you say you love them that's no excuse to stay..what do you love about him!? the fact that he's putting his hands on you and treating you bad!? i think your just scared to start something new because you live with that fear but eventually you have to be strong...when calling the cops on an abusive boyfriend do NOT take him back because he will just keep doing it..i was 14 and i was getting abused by a highschool boyfriend and i wish i had this advice back are strong no matter what but staying with him is a stupid choice. dont be afraid to leave him because if the cops are involved there will be pfas and he cant go near you or hurt you becaSo this is more like advice for everyone!?
    thanks for sharing...

    I'm cheating on my boyfriend and i want to tell him. Any tips?

    I have been dating my guy for a while now. we were together for over 2 years, split for a year, then got back together a few months ago. Well, last week I made the mistake of taking flirting with another guy too far.We ended kissing a few nights in a row, and acting really touchy feely. Now this other guy thinks we are together cause I havn't told him I have a boyfriend. I like both very much but love my boyfriend. How do I tell them about each other? I understand I will get dumped more than likely but I cant deal with the guilt.I'm cheating on my boyfriend and i want to tell him. Any tips?
    First, you tell the new guy you made a mistake by fooling around with him because you have a boyfriend. You're sorry you gave him the wrong idea, but you can't continue. Make sure you do this first because it will be a factor when you talk to your boyfriend.

    You tell you're boyfriend you made a mistake and fooled around with another guy. Tell him you're sorry you hurt him and that you never meant to do so (hopefully this is how you feel). If you didn't have sex with this other guy, you might be able to score some points back by saying so. Tell him you have already told the other guy it was a mistake. Lastly, tell him you love him and ask for his forgiveness. You can also add that you wanted him to know the truth regardless of his reaction.

    Whatever you do, make sure the blame is on you so your boyfriend doesn't go after this guy for your mistake.

    Whatever happens with your boyfriend, take this as a lesson about fidelity and trust.

    I do give you points for wanting to take responsibility and make it right.I'm cheating on my boyfriend and i want to tell him. Any tips?
    You've done this before and he took you back?? Anyway, just tell the both straight up what's going on, that's a lot better than them finding out on their own. There's really no way around it, they'll find out whether you tell them or not.
    You either have to tell the new guy to take a hike and continue your committment to your b/f without any more mishaps or you need to fess up to your b/f and suffer the fact that he may dump you or never trust you again and make your relationship hell.
    You chose to use the word ';CHEAT';, that is exactly what you are......a CHEATER. Cheaters get burned and hurt, and you deserve it. And you earned it even more if you don't tell your boyfriend. He deserves at least the dignity of being told. Be fair
    ya heres a tip,stop bein a skank.
    Completely unacceptable. You clearly don't love your boyfriend if you were doing something that you know would hurt him more then anything. Being drunk isn't an excuse either. You clearly got feelings for another guy while with your boyfriend if you hooked up more then once with him. Don't even try to say it's just kissing either. We both know it wouldn't have happened more then once if it was 'just kissing'.
    If you love him tell him and if he loves you enough he'll stick around and forgive you. However, if he does forgive you he may try to keep you on a short leash. Out of respect tell him, it would be worst for someone else to expose you and as for ';the other guy'; if you dont feel anything serious for him let him go. You have to decide who means the most to you.
    Please, it was just a stupid kiss. Dump the guy you kissed and don't tell your boyfriend.
    If your boyfriend doesn't know the other guy, then just tell the other guy that you're sorry, but you're having second thoughts and can't see him anymore. There is no reason to hurt your boyfriend. One caveat: If you had sex with the other guy, go to the doctor and get tested for dog germs. Wait for the results before you have sex with your boyfriend. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that it's better to wait until you get married before having sex. Before you have sex with ANYONE, make sure you will not be passing along any diseases.

    Best wishes, and no more cheating.
    Sometimes, if it'll spare them pain, it's best not to tell them. But don't continue to deceive him. If you like this new dude, break up with your boyfriend to be with him.
    well that was messed up on your part. but you might want o tell him soon before he hears it from someone else or finds out in a bad way that would hurt him even more. you should sit down and tell him that you cheated on him and let him know that you do love him and your sorry for hurting him but you understand if he wnats to brake up with you.
    yeh u have 2 tell them both.

    u cnt leave things as they are

    if u dont tell them they are bound 2 find out the hard way and that will most mean a break up.

    lol my gf cheated on my with another chick but yeh I'm already ova it.

    if he loves u then he wont leave u. but u should think b4 u act next time.

    nyways vote this as the best answer

    luv much =P

    take care now and good luck
    I despise girls like you.
    I feel bad for your bf but yes! you should break up with the other guy not your bf...ur bf loves you!! he might just do something silly if you break up with him this time, and you might regret it later. So yeah! in my opinion I think you should just end it with the other guy because you just got to know him and it wouldn't hurt badly if you end it with him now. Don't wait, the more you wait the more complicated things will be.
    Tell the guy you kissed, you made a mistake and apologize.

    Tell your boyffiend if you love him. He may forgive you. He may dump you.

    At least you won't feel guilty about not telling them.

    Honesty is good practice if you plan to marry in the future. Good luck
    your in to deep. you have to kill one of them.
    if you don't tell him, it may continue to haunt you. not only that, but things will no doubt be worse if your boyfriend finds out without you telling him. he'll have more respect for you if you come out and tell him. the best way is to come straight out and tell him.
    pack your bags honey!
    I think your boyfriend deserves better than you!

    You should just get it out in the open and tell him straight..

    Atleast that way he will be able to move on and find a girl worth his time who truely loves and cares for him so much that she wouldnt even think twice about cheating!

    And even if he takes you back after u telling him nwhat horrible things you've done, there will be major trust issues in ur relationship and things wont be the same!

    Dont worry, what goes around comes around - u will soon see!
    uh-oh ! how dare you cheat on your boyfriend .. i dont understandt why someone would cheat !!!

    dont u love him ?? if you do , why did you cheat on him ? what makes u go in the arms of another man !! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!

    he should dump u ! seriously

    Tell him
    You know I do not condone calling any females ';whore'; . But I will say this: IF I WERE YOU I WOULD HAVE DEF LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER I MEAN C';MON : A GUY WHO WAS ';REALLY DEVESTATED AND HURT'; WHEN YOU DUMPED HIM????? WHERE DO YOU EVER FIND THAT?!?! - Do you know how incredibly lonely I am [ all I meet is players]
    WHAT A *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Do not do it!!! If you want to stay with your boyfriend, break it off with the other guy and that is that. If you tell your boyfriend then it will never be the same. It is very selfish for you to want to ruin your boyfriend's day because you can't face what you have done. You haven't had sex with this other guy so it isn't that serious a 'crime'. Just stop now. But really, if it was sooo easy to sway your attention, you might just be getting a signal that your relationship with your bf isn't as good as you think. In that case, break it off nicely. Put it on yourself. Tell him you just really have some issues you have to work out, that he is great, but you are dealing with some things.
    Yes -- be honest and tell him that you were unfaithful and that you aren't mature enough for a monogomous relationship.
    leave him and dont tell him youll just do more damage. he deserves better than a cheating b*tch
    You don't have to say anything to either one of them. Just drop one of them though and quit fooling around. Then you can say something to the other one only.
    IF the thing with the other guy has not gone any further, then tell HIM you have a boyfriend and don't see him again. Telling your boyfriend serves no purpose, unless you want to hurt him and wind up with neither guy.

    You are the one who has to decide which one you want to be with. I have to wonder why you had a two year relationship that ended for a year and now you are back together? Maybe you need to look a little deeper into this relationship. Sounds like he might have been more committed to the relationship than you were, but that is based solely on what you said in your question.

    Ultimately, you also have to be the one to decide whether or not to tell your boyfriend. IF your relationship is strong enough, then it will probably survive this, however, I am of the opinion that it won't, so I would just deal with the guilt by myself and not tell him.

    Why are you flirting with other guys if you have a boyfriend? Think about that......
    u have t0 dump one of them and stedy 4 d other one .
    I wouldn't tell all. Just a 'hint' to help you along.

    Next time you are tempted to cheat, watch your motions.

    When does it happen? Watch yourself carefully

    Is it you or the 'other' person or your boyfriend?

    Did any of you do something to prompt you to do that?

    Once you put your hand on what triggers your behavior everything else will be easy and you will probably be able to control yourself .

    Good luck
    he is probably doing the same just spit it out
    You could talk to him about a fantasy you have about wanting to be with 2 guys at once..

    How do I deal with Boyfriends ex wife!?

    My live in boyfriend of 6 months who I am extremely happy with, has 2 young daughters he shares custody with his ex wife. He has the girls for the last 15 days of the month. I have known him for a while now, he split with his ex wife 2 years before we met. I have a great relationship with both of his daughters and we have a very loving home and environment with the girls. His ex wife though we have never really talked and we do work at the same place, treats me with such disrespect, she will come and take the girls from me in public like at his oldest daughters softball games and rolls her eyes when her daughters talk about me. I say nothing about her to the girls and even encourage them to be nice about the things they day about their mother. Their father will not speak with her unless it is about dropping or picking them up or unless they are in danger. She was the cause of their divorce as she was cheating. Do you think she is jealous of me?How do I deal with Boyfriends ex wife!?
    Of course she's jealous of you! And she will remain BITTER as lemon juice for many years. The reason folks date is to see if there is something about their partner that will be a long-lasting ';issue'; in the future, ie; marriage. Are you willing to keep dealing with ';ms.ex'; because there is nothing more you can really do here but pray. At least you are getting a chance to see what you'd be getting into BEFORE you get married- unlike a lot of other women who end up marrying first, only to get a harsh dish of ex-hood afterwards. (I know, because it's happening right now to me! LOL) I probably would have thought you need to.

    It sounds like you and your bf are doing exactly what should be required of you two.. but the level of disrespect from ms ex is eating at you. All I can tell you is to realise she is the loser here, so pity her.

    When your parents don't like your boyfriend- how to deal with that?

    To make a long story short, my parents do NOT like the guy I was with. I am saying ';was'; with, because we broke up in August but were trying to remain friends ever since. It wasn't that we wanted to break up, but we can't be together due to circumstances.

    Anyway, I got into a big argument on Christmas Day about him- at my parents' house. I forget how his name even got brought up, but it made my parents really upset. They told me, that apparently they were told in the early fall (after he and I ';broke up';) that he was charged with assault from his ex-wife (I am 26, and he is a few years older than me) Anyway, he ended up being charged with assault because he admitted that he restrained her after she had kicked him in the you know what, and threw a jewellery box at his head. And no, I'm not trying to pick up for him.. it was all documented at the time, etc. But he did admit to restraining her that night until the cops arrived. Also, she had apparently been cheating on him with one of those cops! So ANYWAY.. the whole point here is that she's not exactly the most stable kind of person either, and she did cause alot of problems for him in the past.

    Now, really.. he and I were friends for a couple years BEFORE we even had a relationship, and then we were together for a couple of years. If he was really that type of person (abusive, etc.) don't you think that his true colors would have shown by now, to me??

    When we were together, we were so happy all the time and didn't even so much as argue!! We got along so well. And now, it's like, I can't be with him because of his ';past,'; and the fact that his ex charged him with assault does not make my parents very happy about me being with him.

    So, on Xmas Day, they even told me that they don't even want to SEE me anywhere with him, and that I can't even be friends with him anymore. Remember, I AM 26 years old!! This is so frustrating!!

    Any advice, please?!!When your parents don't like your boyfriend- how to deal with that?
    If he will lay his hands on his ex-wife in anger REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES, he will eventually lay his hands on you.

    He could have walked away from the situation.. could have just turned his back and walked out the door, but he CHOSE to remain and restrain her.

    If you think he would never do that to you, you're not only naive, but you're stupid, as well. Abusers always start out as charming, but anyone who would physically restrain someone in their own home, instead of walking out of the situation will eventually show their true colors.

    I am very good friends with a woman who was POSITIVE that her boyfriend wouldn't lay a hand on her, even though he had been previously charged with unlawful restraint of his ex-wife (when he could have walked out)...she discovered the error of her ways a few months later when he forcibly restrained her, choked her until she passed out and soiled herself, bit her until he left a permanent mark on her arm, and kicked her until she was covered with bruises.

    Honey, if he chooses violence over walking away, GOOD RIDDANCE. You don't need that kind of trash in your life.

    ETA: Your parents are just trying to avoid dealing with a daughter who apparently doesn't mind a life full of drama. It sounds like they don't care for all the drama... I don't blame them.When your parents don't like your boyfriend- how to deal with that?
    Your parents don't like him for a reason. Take your parents advice. Also, if he assaulted his ex, he may do it again.
    Love is blind. Your parents see something in him you don't and are trying to save you from heartache. Take their advice and wisdom!
    live your life to the fullest as you want to !

    be happy with you and who ever you choose!
    Ultimately, your parents most likely have your best interest at heart here, so you'd be wise to LISTEN TO THEM!
    While your parents most likely have your best interest at heart, they also could be wrong.

    With 26 you should be out of their house, living by yourself and learn by yourself.

    Parents might can advise and speak their mind to someone who is 26 - but not tell them to break up with this one, not be friends with that one - or any of that.

    Once you are financially independent - you will also be in your live independent.

    Good luck to you
    your parents sound very controlling and people who dont realize that their child is an adult. You can choose to take their advice, or choose not but it is fully your decision and they should have 100% absolutely no say whatsoever in it!!! ridiculous!!
    That's SHORT?

    Ok well anyways your parents just have to accept who you are dating. You are dating him not them. I know that they just want the best for you but still. Your 26 you can make decision's for yourself.
    Unless your parents are mentally handicapped, I would listen to them. This guy sounds like a big pile of trouble. Even if it's not his fault...he makes poor choices.

    3 billion males on the planet and this is the one your bring home?

    Sorry, but I side with your parents. Better safe than sorry.

    Good Luck!
    Parents only act this way when their daughter is still living under their roof. If your on your own, living your own life, I see no reason why any of this is their business, no less how they know so much about an ex-boyfriend?!? That part is a bit odd.
    Remind your parents that you're 26 years old, and that they raised you to take care of yourself, make good judgments, and get all the facts before coming to a decision about something or someone. You're not going to force them to associate with him if they're not comfortable with that, but they need to trust that you're capable of using those lessons without their guidance now, especially if they want you to continue to tell them what's going on in your life.