How to deal with moms inappropriate boyfriend?

hi guys. this is a serious question and i need serious answers. rather touchy subject that i haven't discussed with ANYBODY, and until i take some type of action, i don't think i'm ready to. i'm a little desperate. i know this will end up being lengthy, so i really really appreciate it if you take the time to read it. if you don't, you don't need to make me aware that you don't have the time. extra kudos if you take the time to answer. it would be a really huge help to me.





i'm 17. my mothers boyfriend is...crazy, and i he's totally out of line in the way he talks to and treats me. calling me sexy...complimenting my body. walking into the bathroom when i'm in the shower. barging into my bedroom. coming up from behind and wrapping his arms around my waist. touching me in areas that would be covered by a bathing suit...often. telling me how suckable my toes are?? offering me alcohol. just the other day we went out on his boat, and he was so insistent that i bring a bikini so i could dance on the top of his boat and ';give all of the men something nice to look at.';





i'm no angel, but i totally feel the way he treats me is both inappropriate and disrespectful to not only me, but my mother as well. he's always over our house, and he has trouble putting the bottle down. my ma thinks everything he does while drunk is cute and excusable. grinding chanel into the couch, cute. trying to kiss chanel, cute. asking chanel to dance for him, cute. however, chanel doesn't find this too cute at all. (i'm chanel, btw) when he left the next day i told my mother that i didn't feel comfortable at home when he was drinking, and i got in trouble. ';he was just playing'; she says. i'm ';being too serious.'; he is always over, and my mother keeps the liquor cabinet full. oftentimes i stay with my boyfriend or over a friends house, but i don't think it's fair that i'm feeling our house is not my home. in my opinion, he needs to chill out with the drinking...and chill out in his own home. he can take her with him for all i care, to be quite frank.





this is not the first time i've had problems with my mothers boyfriend. a few years ago i was raped by her boyfriend. my mother and i had gotten into a fight and he was ';comforting me.'; my mother and i have a lot of problems, and it was a pretty serious fight, physically and verbally. still, i told her immediately after it happened (she was in the kitchen cooking dinner). long story short: he didn't leave that night, and it took him cheating on her with somebody other than her daughter for her to leave him...so if you haven't noticed, but mother has this weakness for hot men, and when i tell her how i feel about these things, my words go in one ear and out the other. i'm totally open with her, and she's completely aware. whoever said ignorance is bliss isn't lying. my ma is the queen of playing stupid. anything with the potential to cause conflict between them is anything she will not touch.





so...am i just screwed? i'm tired of the way he talks to me...and the way he touches me. he's been touching me for a few weeks now...telling my mother isn't going to solve anything. we've been down this road before. pathetic as i feel for admitting this i seem to have trouble saying the word ';no'; when he comes near. one of my biggest fears is breaking up their relationship, but it's stressing me out, and i need to worry about my own feelings! my ma is a big girl, and i guess i am too, but i should come first here dmmit. my mother + no man is not a good combination...or lack of, should i say. i'm not sure whether i'd be more happy putting up with him, or with my mother having no man in the house. both sound like hell to me.





i feel like such a wimp. i'm 17 and i feel ridiculous that i let this happen to me, like i'm old enough to prevent it from happening. i'm not talking about the flirting,i can deal with that...the touching though. i need it to end. what can i do? who should i talk to? what's the right way to go about this type of thing? sorry this was so long, just wanted you to understand where i'm coming from. my mother does not care, anon sperm donor not around, and i pretty much don't know who to go to and how to handle this. really, really, really desperate. help me!? thanks.How to deal with moms inappropriate boyfriend?
This is definitely domestic abuse and you need to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Ask THEM if you need to call the police, because honestly, unless an incident JUST occurred, the police may not be able to do anything immediately, only serving to aggravate your mom and her boyfriend (the law if a fickle thing).





You can visit their website here: http://www.ndvh.org/ but the first thing that pops up is a warning about being ';spied on'; by anyone... if your family is tracking your web site usage or if they're walking around, this web site would not be a good place to visit... wait until you can get somewhere private: a friends, the library, at work, etc... here is a picture:





http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/3161/鈥?/a>





Read everyone's responses carefully, pull yourself together, and WITHOUT waiting for another incident, call the hotline and report this immediately.





Stay strong; you sound incredibly smart, very aware of what's happening.How to deal with moms inappropriate boyfriend?
COPS+phone=NOW PLEZ u dont need that and he has probs. u should also mention ur mom is lettin it happen.
Ok, first off as someone who was sexually abused from ages 9-12 then again date raped for months by a so called ';boyfriend'; I met online (back in 1992 he was in his 20's %26amp; I was 17) I totally know where you are coming from.





First off have you spoken to your mom about this? I get that she isn't that understanding (my mom was very verbally abusive to me so I know it is not to trust your mom) but have you made it clear how you feel?





There is ALWAYS someone to talk to. You just need to look around.





Is there an -





aunt


cousin


great aunt


grandmother


teacher


pastor


nurse


doctor


a friend's parent or family member of theirs


boyfriend's parent or family member of theirs





This touching thing is totally wrong! You are not a freak.





Now as someone with your past of being raped like me also at times we can take something as someone being nice as uncomfortable but still NO ONES TOUCHES YOU WHEN YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO!





(I still freak out when a male family member touches me or gets too close)





Talk to a trusting adult. Look at the list I a made for you there is someone you can talk to.





You are not alone in this %26amp; don't have to be.





But honestly if I were you I'd get out of that house right away. You don't feel safe and you need a home where you can feel safe.





Try these links too -





http://teenlineonline.org/teens/


http://www.1800runaway.org/ - they may know of a safe place to go
I feel so horrible for you but your mother is being COMPLETELY irresponsible, especially since u have already been raped by one of her boy friends. you need to tell her straight up '; I will not stay here as long as he stays here and you are going to choose now'; If she breaks up with him than ur fine, if not go to a friends house and tell them this (a friend you really trust and with reasonable and responsible parents).If your mother still doesn't come around after a week or two contact a relative and if u tell them this they'll probably 4 shure help you. You might not wanna leave ur mom but shes putting you in danger and she has b4 and didn't learn her lesson. if you really want to go to extremes press charges if he even touched you, and i Pretty sure if you tell sum1 2 stop making inappropriate comments repeatedly and they don't its sexual harassment.


if you wanna take this mildly than u cld just tell the boyfriend of in like a loud and public manor that you do not want to touch him and if he doesn't leave you alone you'll call the cops.
Well, you've told your mother and I'm sure you've told the creep to back off. You need to call the cops, tonight. Pack yourself a bag and plan on going to stay with a friend or a relative until your mother kicks him to the curb, but you are a minor and that man is a sick freak. Your mother is just as guilty as he is. Both of them need to beaten with a wooden plank. I also think that you need to speak to a guidance counselor at your school (I know it may be summer, but at least when school gets going again) and see about getting yourself some counseling to work through some of the issues. You may feel okay, but there could be a lot of deep seated issues that might not surface till years down the road. It'll be better to deal with them right now. You need to take action before you turn 18 so he gets the maximum punishment possible.
Call the POLICE!!! Tall to them, it sounds like her boyfriend is Sexually Harassing you and is an alcoholic. Just call them and say ';Hi my name is Chanel, and my Mom's boyfriend is constantly griding me into the couch, touching me, and trying to kiss me and stuff. I was wondering what to do about this. He also drinks a lot when he does this stuff and I have already been raped by one of her boyfriends and I don't want it to happen again. Could you please help me?'; That should solve the problem. You could have some officers come down to your house, sit down with you and your mom (and maybe boyfriend) and talk about how his behavior is COMPLETELY out of line. Good luck I am so sorry to hear about all of this.





Don't risk yourself for your mom, she isn't doing anything for you. She isn't even protecting you. I know you love her but if she loves you, then she has to do something.
im 17 too, and this is what i would do, i would see if icould frind a friend to stay wit or ur bf for a few weeks until school or something starts, and if ur moms bf still hurts u, go to social services, or the police, dont be afraid to ask for help bc uarent alone.
First of all, your mothers boyfriend is a jerk. Its pretty lame that he's hitting on you! You should threaten too call the police if he trys to touch you. And howcome your mom can't do anything about it? And I agree, Nothing he does is cute, its disgusting. You should, Put purple dye in his shampoo, :P and you should talk to your mom about it. Why don't you live with your dad or something. Oh, and everytime that guy trys to touch you, beat the hell out of him, maybe he's with your mom too get to you, you know what I mean? What an AssHole. Hope I helped?. :)
First of all things happen to people they probably shouldn't happen to and it's totally not your fault. But about your mom not caring about the things with her boyfriends..well you can't change her. Unfortunately, unless she listens to you and puts him out or at least goes there instead then nothing will happen. You just have to have a heart to heart with her and really talk to her. video tape it. I wouldn't advise going to the cops but if it gets bad you probably should.
well if your not ready to tell your mom or anyone else yet, you could go to www.rainn.org it`s the internatinal rape, child abuse, and insect site. you can at information and tons of other stuff about what your talking about now.
No, you don't have to put up with this. For anyone. Not even your mom. She may be your mom, but she sure as hell isn't acting like one. You need to call the police. You can get out of there so you don't have to deal with your mom, or this stupid guy.





Or your other option is to get emancipated. Which will drive YOU out of the house, but is it better than dealing with them?





Basically, you can't sit around and deal with it. But you can't tell your mom. So the best thing you can do is tell another trusted adult, the same things you told us, or call the police. Either way will probably break apart your family, but your better off without her and him.





Please don't call yourself a wimp. Your 17. Practically old enough to live by yourself now. You could always find a friend to stay with until you can get your own house, or even a relative that you can stay with for a while. Anything but staying there. It's not right.





Good luck. And I'm trusting you to do something. You are 17, after all. Not a little girl. Time to start being your own back up plan.
Well first of all don't blame yourself, you're the victim here. It's hard to protect yourself from adults when you are a minor and don't have your legal and financial independence.


Both your mom and the boyfriend are breaking the law. Your mom is committing child abuse. It is her job to protect you and she is not doing it. The boyfriend is molesting a minor.


You can't and shouldn't deal with this by yourself. You need help from other adults.


You could report your mom to child protective services. You could tell your school counselor. You could move out permanently and not go back there even to visit. The third option would be esp. good if you have a trusted adult you can live with on permanent basis, who you can tell this story to. So they won't pressure to move back or talk to your mother.


Don't do nothing though, it sounds like this man could very well be revving himself up to try to rape you. Get the hell out of there!


Good luck and sorry you have to go thru this.
While it is right for you to want you're mom to be happy, you cannot sacrifice yourself to make it happen..





I'm sorry, but you're mom is a pathetic human being. You need to tell an adult. Try to get a hold of a teacher you trust.





At the very least, you need to tell your mom whats going on and tell her she better stop it or you'll find another adult who will. No one deserves this type of treatment. No one.





Graduate from school move far away to college and never look back.





Good luck
no offence 2 u or ur family but ur mother is an @$$HOLE !! HOW THE HECK COULD UR OWN MOM LET THAT HAPPEN 2 HURR OWN DAUGHTER AND NOT RILLY CARE MUCH !! both ur mom and hurr bf have MAJOR issues. hes messed up in the head big time !! i would get the cops on his @$$...


u dont need 2 deal wit this **** $H!T


CALL THE ******** COPS NOWWWWWW !!!!!