Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How can I deal with my boyfriend's long work hours? Serious grown-up answers only!?

I live with my boyfriend, who works as an architecture intern. I'm 27 and he's 24. We have been together for 3 years, and lived together for 1. When we met he was still in school and then we were doing long distance for 1 year before moving in together. He works in a prominent architecture firm and as an intern, he often has to put in very long work hours, especially when deadlines are up. It's not too bad when there's no project waiting, but when he/they have a deadline, I'll often barely see him for 1-2 weeks, maybe 1 hour a day or just for a moment when he comes home at night and then in the morning before I leave for work. I know he's not cheating and he's explained to me that this is just how it is, and that he's also happy to put in long hours in order to improve himself. I understand all the ';intellectual'; explanations, but I feel so lonely and end up feeling resentful and cold towards him and incapable of giving him the support he says he lacks from me.I also worry about him working so much, how it affects his health (we're talking max 3 hours of sleep per night for several days in a row), and that the company is taking advantage of him. He says he's ok, but I can't get a grip on myself. Have you ever experienced anything like this? It's extremely hard for me to understand that any business can be like this and it's been a major issue for us the last year. I'm so sick of the conflicts and feeling angry and resentful at his job, and at some level at him, because I feel like he's abandoning me when he's away like that.How can I deal with my boyfriend's long work hours? Serious grown-up answers only!?
I was sort of in that situation with my wife when she decided to go to college for her Associates degree. I worked all day and she did too and then at night she would be gone to school and would not get home til about 1130 to 1200, and that left no time for us. That went on for a long time and in my opinion we drifted apart. The only thing I could think of was I know this school thing will not last forever and I tried to have everything done when she did get home and made the most of the time we did have together. It did not always work out, but I kept trying and now we are still together and all is well. I also felt that way when she had our first child, I was like man, he gets all of her attention and I would not show it but I felt left out. Then it hit me one day about a month later, I am his Dad and I need to act like one and I started to finally get involved and the rest is history, he is nine now and another boy is on the way!!!


I hope I was some help, good luck.How can I deal with my boyfriend's long work hours? Serious grown-up answers only!?
getting good jobs is difficult these days.you have tokeep on proving your worth every moment.he needs a lot of support from you.Give it and stop getting frustrated by engaging yourself in different activities.
I think you're feeling like he is more into his job than he is into you.


The only thing you can really do is grin and bare it. Maybe if you supported him or made him a lunch before he goes to work, you would feel better about yourself. Write him a note and put it in his lunch. This will have him thinking about you the entire day, so when he comes home he just wants to spend time with you.


I know it sounds childish, but give it a shot.


Also, maybe you guys need to have more sexuality in your relationship.
I'd say to talk to him about all of your feelings in the most rational way possible. In other words, no crying or arguing...just be calm and firm when telling him how you feel, and how you are worried about him. Remind yourself that the job makes him happy and that sometimes you're just going to have to put up with it...and whatever makes him happy should also make you happy on some level. However, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to spend a few extra hours with you per week instead of working overtime, and during those extra hours you should schedule something special to do together, even if it's just hanging out at home. If he realizes how much it's hurting you, and he is able to tweak his schedule to fit a few more hours with you in, I'm sure he'll do it. In addition, if he's just an intern now, he's sure to be promoted or get a different position in the architecture firm eventually, which may enable him to have more time (since interns often do the ';dirty work'; and can't leave whenever they feel like it. Don't worry; if you love him, this will all be worth it.





I'd greatly appreciate your opinion on my question, if you have some time:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Look for a new job. Work out a schedule. Maybe he can get earlier hours, or you can find a job with same hours as him viceversa. When I dated my boyfriend online, he was in australia. He was 14 hours ahead of me, and we are still together after 2 years. You need to try and work something out with your boyfriend.
Stop being immature and impatient. If you really love him then be prepared to do some sacrifice. Remember the saying, ';Behind every successful man there is a woman';. In good times and in bad.....etc. You are undergoing the test of life in this relationship, dont put ure own requirements viz. emotional or physical before his career. Respect the fact that you have a guy who is responsible and working hard to be someone in life. Very few guyz possess this quality these days. So, count your blessings rather than allow your selfish needs to be overcome. Stop portraying yourself as a 'matyr' or ' mother of sorrows'. Dont seek sympathy, rather feel proud of his achievements and stand by him in his failures.
Find some online games to play while he is at work, or talk to friends online, find some good hobbies. He will eventually get burned out working so many long hours. But, in the meantime he is gaining great experience, maybe he could open his own architecture firm in the future, so let him work and gain all this experience and keep your credit rating excellent for that future loan that will be needed to start his own firm. Then he can slow down and work 9-5 and be with you at night.
try to understand him my dear, and don't feel resentful on his job because he's doing that for you both! i know u feel lonely, but try to keep yourself busy with something in order not to worry that much ! all in all maybe it's a matter of time only and it won't be like this forever! show him more love when he arrives home after a hard day and don't blame on him for your loneliness ..you'll only make him think he's not understood by you and and all you'll get will be his coldness for u ! good luck!
a lot of jobs are long hours especially if your just starting off. These long hours will most likely last for a couple of years. It is very hard to be in a relationship like that. I'm about to go through the same thing but worse. I'm studying to be an attorney and my girlfriend is studying to be a doctor. If you love him, be patient and support him. Make the time you spend together great. Good luck.

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