How do deal with my mistrust over possibly cheating girlfriend?

Please read this if you have the time I'm torturing myself over this, THanks





I'm 16, she is 16. We have been going out for almost 7 months, and its been pretty tough. She suffered from depression and anxiety in the early stages of our relationship, but we got through it. after that, we got stronger than ever, and we fell in love with each other. we both admitted we felt something for each other that was so far away from anyone else.





While i truly do love this girl, i just cant help the feeling that something else is going on. While ive been with her, she has gotten multiple txt messages, one said Hey babe hows it goin, the other (from a different guy) said remember when we were kissing and you were on top of me. After the second one, i looked through her phone(i couldnt help it, and i feel really bad about it) and in the sent messages folder, her response was ';yeah remember when we had poprocks hahaha';





i later confronted her about it, and she was like, oh yeah he was at my friends house the other day with us





these friends werent interested in that guy, so i know he wasnt paired with them





She has hooked up with this guy before(she told me this before the text message) we were going out, like two years ago





Regarding the first text, it was from one of her friends who sometimes stays at her neighbors house and hangs out with her.. i talked to her about that too and she told me i had nothing to worry about





She also deletes her text messages on a regular basis, claiming she doesnt like a full inbox and ever since the other two text messages, i have stopped seeing her bring her phone around as much when we are going somewhere or she comes over. when i do see her with her phone, i have on several occasions seen her deleting recent messages, when she has 200 other messages in the inbox





Now, i really love this girl, but im starting to detach myself from her because i am truly a little bit worried about this, and i have a gut feeling that something went on with this guy from the second text message. now, this wouldnt worry me so much, except for that she has told me of two separate incidents where she has ';sort of';cheated on guys. the first time she really did cheat on her boyfriend, they were going out, but for a week they did not talk and both knew it was going to end, but instead of ending it first, she hooked up with a random guy at a party





the second time, she wanted to go out with this guy, but he didnt want to commit, so she hooked up with someone else.. she then told him about it, and he forgave her and asked her out





She has a fairly strong libido, i was her first time with sex, but not even close first time anywhere else. She is also quite attractive, im not trying to brag or anything, but i am just stating that looks will not get into her way at all if she wants to cheat





Many of you will say to talk to her about cheating in a way to find her feeling on the issue. we have, i wasnt even the one initiating it most of the time. we agreed that we would end it if either of us cheated. we even made up a name for my ';imaginary other girlfriend'; which she brings up about every other time we hang out, and sometimes over phone calls. I dont bring up this subject as much in a joking way, but I have talked to her about the two text messages





There have also been times where she has ';sneakily'; left me and i saw her glancing over to shirtless guys.. i dont really care about that as much because its harmless though





Basically, I really love this girl, but I have had this gut feeling that she has or is cheating on me. Her depression and anxiety have returned due to the school year, and im not sure what is making me think these things,but my gut feeling has come back again. I really dont want to get screwed over on this, and I would rather end it now than be duped and be with her for a long time, because of the old phrase ';once a cheater, always a cheater';





I would really like some advice on how to deal with this, because she is the first girl i have fallen in love with and i just dont think either i or her could take a break up emotionally





Please offer your opinions on this, I could really use the help.





ThanksHow do deal with my mistrust over possibly cheating girlfriend?
Sweetie, you are 16 and I know this seems like the love of your life but it probably won't be!! Why would you want to deal with a girl that has anxiety, depression and is manipulative? You need to understand and figure out WHY you are falling in love with a girl that has so many negative traits. Trust your gut, get out. If she is meant for you it will work out later.. You have your entire life ahead of you don't let some 16 year old puppy love crush ruin it for you. Buck up and stand up for yourself. Love hurts sometimes, but if you can get through the tough times taking care of yourself then you will be stronger and wiser in the long run. How do deal with my mistrust over possibly cheating girlfriend?
just letting you know i didnt read the whole thing just glanced, i have bf who gets texts from other girls,and he accepted that i asked him not to text them or to text them back,you will alwys get that feeling that they are doing somehting wrong,but to me it sounds like she doesnt really care about you,i mean you have your whole life to find someone,youre too young to go through this now,let her go,and find someone who reallt cares about you,i mean do you really see oyurself marrying her...prolly not,yea shes gonna look at other guys,and i bet if your witha girl and you see another girl,youre gonna stare too,but if she really loves you she wouldnt even go anywhere where there are other guys,and if she is you say that you want to come too,


but seriusly if you are worrying about that all the time let her go,it will be better for you,and if she cares for you she would want you back and saying that she will try better
Well I'll tell you this man. The fact that you're young doesn't have anything to do with it. I went through a similar thing with my ex when I was 21 years old, so I can sympathize with how you're feeling. I'd never felt so sick inside wondering what was going on with her, and thinking she was cheating.





I'm telling you though... finding out she is isn't going to hurt as much as you hurt right now. The worst is not knowing, trust me. When I found out that she actually was cheating, it was almost like a relief... like okay, now I can get on with my life.





What I'm trying to say is I think a lot of the time we deny what's right in front of us because we're scared of what the truth brings. When in reality, and anyone who's gone through this will tell you... sometimes you just have to let go and stop trying to hold on so tight. You should understand and tell yourself that it's not the end of the world if she's cheating on you. You're going to make it through whatever happens and you're gonna come out fine on the other end. Once you can accept that, then it'll be okay to face the truth.





Good luck.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation.





Proving that you're being cheated on is probably the hardest thing to do when it comes to relationships. Why? Because it's difficult to prove and also if you found out that you've been cheated on...are you going to be able to cope? How are you going to react etc.





Proving a cheat via text messaging is difficult because it may not be what it looks like.





Your girlfriend sounds like she is not mature enough to be in a relationship. She's even admitted to you that she has cheated on guys in the past. Obviously you can't dump her over that because she hasn't done anything to you.





The best way to find out whether or not she is cheating on you is by catching her in the act. If she's at a house party without you, she could be up to no good so try and go to that party but make sure she doesn't see you. In other words, be like a detective (sounds stupid I know but it works, I have exposed cheats by doing that).





However, it is your life and it's your choice. If you want to find out what's going on, do it but you have to live with the consequences. You might feel like you can't cope with the break up if she has cheated on you but in the future, you'll be glad that you did it.



Hi darling,


I'm a 25 year old girl, I read all your article and I still believe the best thing to do is to talk about your feelings to her and observe how she's gonna react. You must pay attention in one subject though,


if you decide to talk openly to her about your feelings and


you realize she starts to provoke you so you can be more jealous of her, it's not a good thing and


you should talk to her about this too.


Talking is a very important thing in relationship, actually


it can keep it alive. Once you talk to her,


she will fell more free to talk to you too.





I believe it's the time for you guys to have a deeper


talk now. A ';you don't have to worry about that';


is not enough sometimes, so


you may respect the things you are felling and


talk to her that despise of ';don't worry'; you are worried


and you must talk to her about that.





now if you decide to confront her in this aspect


you must be careful about THE WAY OF TALKING.


This is very important. Be respectful and keep a calm tone of voice


start telling her you need to talk and it's very important to you.


Emphasize you need to talk serious. Keep a serious tone


on your voice and look inside her yes, so she can fell it's a serious


and sincere talk.


When you got her full attention, start saying how you fell and that


you're felling the ';explanation'; she gave you -';you don't have to wory about that'; just won't do.


By the way you wrote I firmly believe that you can find the right words when you are talking to her. You seemed mature and


it seemed also that you think before you say anything.


You're right you must think before talking,


but don't let saying anything at the right moment.


Feelings that are inside you must get out of you,


it's healthy to do it.


So try to use your temperance not to


let saying things but use it


just to work in the Way things must be said.





It was such a pleasure for me to answer your question.


I hope everything turns out fine for you.





With care,


Slopes


Good luck ;)



confront her on it. i date someone who i thought was cheating yet never asked. a few years later, my gut instinct was right. i wasted all the time. if she is cheating, leave. you are so young you dont need to put up with that. there are plenty of fish in the sea like they say





as for her dperession, she needs to get help. my ex had MAJOR issues with it and it caused a lot of problems. its not something that can go away on its own. they need professional help. best of luck!